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Imagine you have to get from A to B. Imagine you could do this only by following the ‘hard path’, one that is probably quicker and more direct but is uncomfortable and difficult. Or you could follow the ‘easy path’, paths that are slower and meander, but are kind and enjoyable. 

You might already have an idea in your mind about which path you would choose. But the path you choose should depend on what you want to achieve, and how you measure or judge the success of your choices. I imagine the vast majority of people take a mixture of both paths throughout their lives. That’s what this one is about, the choices we make and how we make them. And then I’m going to try and walk you through how I try to make choices.

How we end up on a given path

If you only choose the easy paths your life will not necessarily be easy, no, because some paths you do not chose. There are three ways you end up on a path: 1. You choose it, you make a conscious decision and think to yourself, ‘yes, this is the one I will take’. 2. You choose it indirectly as a result of previous choices, we’ll call these ‘consequential paths’, or 3. You are pushed down, fall up, or find yourself on it through no affect of your own. 

Almost every path or choice you take has an array of paths that follow it. Like a vast river tributary or the branches of an impossibly large tree. The possibilities are almost endless. For this article we’re going to ignore 2 and 3 and just focus on the choices you can make, the paths you can choose to walk.

 So how do you know which path to choose? And how do you know, in retrospect, if it was the right one. Well, I don’t know. I only know how I try to make those choices and take those measurements.

On not choosing

Before we get into it, let me be clear that it’s impossible to know which path to choose all the time. Every day you make countless unconscious decisions because you’re tired or indifferent or busy, just based on what’s going on at that time. But that’s okay. Making a conscious decision for every single thing would be a huge waste of energy and quite debilitating. Most of the decisions we make day to day are pretty inconsequential. Or are at least they are minor enough that the probability that it has a significant affect on your life is negligible. 

You may have heard about the ‘butterfly affect’. How a butterflies wing beat somewhere in the world can cause a tornado somewhere else. Or how if you were to travel back in time and squish a butterfly it would have a monumental affect on the world as you know it in the present. Well, while the theory behind the affect is real and it relates to a very coolly named theory called ‘chaos theory’, it is also entirely unhelpful. Because these kind of huge knock on affects are incredibly unlikely. 

Those examples with butterflies could be true, but it’s very unlikely. If every butterfly had this affect there would be tornadoes all over the world all of the time. Why is that not the case? Because it’s incredibly unlikely that a butterfly would have that affect. The probabilities we’re talking about in that case are so astronomical we might as well be talking about quantum mechanics.

Which sandwich you choose for lunch or what colour socks you put on in the morning are more likely to affect your path than a butterfly is to start a hurricane, but it’s still very unlikely, so there’s no point worrying about it. 

Where does the path lead?

So what paths, what choices, should you worry about? Well, let’s ask first, how do you know something is important? How can you tell a path is good? You need to know where you want to end up. If you understand where you are trying to go then you can properly assess which path is the right path.

If you don’t know where you want to go when you make a decision in theory you could stumble on to the right path entirely by accident, if you’re lucky. Or, if you don’t care where you’re going you can just look at the obvious paths in front of you and decide at the fork. Both are valid, okay, and reasonable ways of living. But if you feel either of these ways, congratulations, you might be somewhere close to enlightenment, or high. Either way this article probably isn’t for you.

When I say you have to understand where you want to end up I don’t mean you have to have a destination in mind. Many (or I would wager most) people, don’t have a destination in mind, or even have the wrong one in mind. Philosophers and scientists have been studying humanities craving for purpose and meaning for years and it’s a widely accepted fact that most people don’t even know what they want, never mind what their purpose is. That’s okay. In that case ‘where you want to end up’ means ‘what you want to achieve’. 

Okay, now with all that said I can get to trying to answer the questions.

How to choose a path 

The first step as we mentioned before is deciding where you want to end up. The second is determining or discovering the paths ahead of you that lead to that place. And the third is deciding which of those paths is the best for you. The reason I say ‘the best for you’ and not ‘the shortest’ is because in life, unlike in orienteering, there should be lots of reasons you might choose one path over another, not just distance. This is where the analogy of a ‘path’ falls down. You’re not really choosing a path, or a route, you’re choosing something that affects your life and the lives of the people around you. 

Of course worrying too much about that is ultimately detrimental, if you spend all your time worrying about how your choices affect other people you will be paralyzed by the choice. But when making big decisions or choosing very different paths to the one you’re currently on, it’s only right to consider how it might affect others. And by others I mean the people and the morals you care about.

Deciding what you want

If you already know what you want to do or achieve, you don’t need to read this section. If you don’t know, well I probably can’t help you that much. Unfortunately there isn’t a quiz you can take that will tell you what you want. Not really. You’re going to have to think about yourself and do some introspection. There are some common indicators of what you should do, what makes you happy, what makes you feel good, what’s the right thing to do, etc, but only you will really know these things.

For the small things, like what you want for dinner, or what you should order at a restaurant, or what socks to wear, maybe you can use a quiz and that’ll tell you how you feel about something and then you can make a choice. But for the big stuff, you probably should work it out for yourself. Or listen to someone wise who you trust to make the big decisions for you. Anyway.

Discovering paths

To illustrate what I’m talking about here let’s think about a hypothetical example. Let’s say what you want in life, what you really want to do and achieve, ‘where you want to end up’, is ending world poverty. A big lofty goal. Once you pick a goal, your choices get fewer. 

Let’s say you’re 23, living in New York, and this realisation comes to you in a gigantic epiphany after a bad night out. You realise this is what you want, this is the destination you want to arrive at. Well, then I think you should make every decision, every path you choose, in the direction of that destination. 

Once you make this decision and decide to walk in that direction you can let it guide as many decisions as you like. Choosing breakfast in the morning? Well you should probably choose something that isn’t covered in sugar so you live long enough to walk the paths you choose, but otherwise, it doesn’t matter. The probability that what you choose for breakfast will affect your path is tiny.

You could choose to eat healthily or nutritiously because that could mean you feel better and healthier and have more energy to make good decisions, but also, maybe not. More than anything you should try to enjoy your breakfast, because this is an easy choice that’s not really going to affect your path. Of course if instead of ending world poverty where you wanted to end up was with a flat stomach, then this changes.  

However, some choices are big, some choices are landmark, life changing decisions. And if you have your destination in mind you can make the choice in the same way. You’re 23, in New York and you want to solve world poverty. What path should you take? Perhaps you should try and start a charity? Or join a social enterprise that’s trying to tackle poverty? Perhaps you should go back to a school or a university and study economics or international politics. 

All of these are paths that lay in front of you. Some of them are harder to see than others, obscured by bureaucracy brambles, or hidden down dark alley ways that society tries to hide. Or perhaps even there is no well traveled path, only a field and you need to carve the trail. Some paths are going to be vastly more difficult than others. Hopefully, and sometimes proportionally, the time it takes to traverse the path is inversely proportional to the difficulty of the path (shorter paths are typically harder). Also, the difficulty of the path is going to have a direct affect on your own wellness, mental and physical, as well as the wellness of people and situations in your life. 

For example if you choose the social enterprise route and you decide to start a start up for the ground up, it’s going to be a lot of work. To make it successful (at least quickly) you’re going to have to pour huge amounts of time and effort into it. You’d need to spend a lot of your life on it. And even then, it’s risky. That isn’t a well trodden path, but it’s travelled enough that you know along the way there are trials and tribulations that could knock you down. Along the way there will be pressures and stresses that are going to have a significant affect on your life. The question you have to ask yourself before you depart on this path is is that what you want? Is that worth it? 

Which way is best?

If you have the imagination there are so many paths that lead to your destination, no matter how crazy or specific your goal is. And every path has a trade off. Some are safer but longer. Some are safer but don’t show immediate returns. Some are harder but also shorter. Some are almost impossibly hard or precarious and risky, but would get you to your destination quickly and in a sports car. 

Regardless, you know where you want to go and the paths are ahead of you, which do you choose?  Well, again, only you can answer that. Only you can answer that because only you understand your history up to that point, your existing skills, experiences, or limitations, only you know how much time and energy you’re going to be willing or able to dedicate to the path, and only you know how much risk you’re willing to take in pursuit of your goals.

One of the most difficult things when choosing a path like this is the pressure that comes from expectations. If you chose to study economics at 23 in New York to end world poverty you’re likely going to have the option to go out and party a lot. Should you take it? How it affect the path you’re on? Would you fail an exam or would it give you a needed break?

If you choose to start a social enterprise and you succeed you’re going to get offers of investment and partnerships from large corporations or funds that would affect your enterprise, would it affect the path you’re on in a positive way? This is how you determine which path to take, ask yourself, does it get you closer to where you want to end up? And sometimes, does it get you closer to where you want to end up in a good way? If the answer is yes, do it. If the answer is no, don’t.

Did you choose well?

If the answer is, ‘I’m not sure which path takes me closer to where I want to end up’ make an educated guess, and take it. Get going, get walking, and then we can look back later and figure it out. Once you’ve made the decision things will happen, there will be concequences for the choice you’ve made and the path that you’ve taken. Then, after some amount of time, you can look back, see if it was the best decision, and if not, try to correct for it.

This is where things like ‘retrospectives’ or ‘journaling’ or ‘blogging’ or even instagram or group chats come in handy, they give you the opportunity to store information about your life that you can reflect on. Keeping where you want to end up in mind you can look back at the choices that you’ve made, the things you’ve done and try to assess whether it was the best path to have taken. Sometimes it is, which is great, sometimes you didn’t choose the path and can only look forward, and sometimes it’s not, which is also great. Because then you learn.

The wonderful thing about this mode of thinking, I think, is it’s never too late to change path. It can absolutely be hard to change path and some paths are just not going to be available to you as you get older or if you encounter obstacles along the way, but you will almost always always always have choices, and if you have choices, you can make them in the direction you want to go. 

Then, once you’ve made your way down a path for a while, you’ve learnt things. You know more about this path and where it leads. That knowledge is more than likely to help you on other paths in the future.

My path

I’m going to get a bit self indulgent here for a second, if you don’t care, skip to the end.

I am very lucky. I am very privileged and fortunate. I was born in a country that has free healthcare, human rights, and educational infrastructure. I was born into a loving family, I’m a straight white male and so suffer very little from prejudices and discrimination, and I’m healthy. I don’t have any diseases or illnesses that I know about, my mental health is generally strong, and I’ve been encouraged and taught all my life to learn more and to try things. I’m very lucky.

I say all this to highlight that I recognize that there are people who simply do not have access to the paths I have had available to, or simply can not make the choices I can make. And that makes me sad. But, I can make these choices, and so I try to make them responsibly and with this in mind. 

The path I choose is relatively: intentionally hard, risky, often lonely, and constrained by my own limitations, which I test and push probably too often. I say relatively because I don’t mean the path I chose is all of these things all of the time. Just the big choices. I make as many small choices I can to be good and warm and healthy, but when it comes to big choices I look for the path that takes me to my destination quickest and with the most impact, and sometimes, though perhaps not often, that means difficult choices. 

My goal, my ‘where I want to end up’, is to contribute to global international development efforts in a positive and meaningful way. Exactly what that means, I don’t know yet, but there are obvious paths that I have tried to take. I’ve tried to live and work in as many places as I can. I’ve aimed my carreer in the direction of philanthropists, sustainability, and international development, and I’ve aimed myself as much as I can at learning about international development, about how people work, how technology works, and how to tell stories. Because I believe these are the general directions that will get me there.

As a result I spend a lot of time in the evenings or on the weekends reading or writing or contemplating how I can do better. I put myself in difficult situations where I am out of my depth and force myself to learn quickly, as I have found that this is the way I learn best so far. And as a result I’m younger than everyone thinks, I’ve lived in America, Abu Dhabi, Edinburgh, London, Amsterdam, and Berlin. I’ve visited countries on 4 continents all while working on things I care about. I’ve worked on/for some of the biggest open source technologies in the world, and I’m currently a senior manager in the technology organisation within one of the biggest sustainability consultancies in the world. 

When I write it out like that it seems very romanticised. But I’ve also got more grey hairs than I think is healthy at my age, I have felt physically sick from stress a number of times, I’ve moved countries, alone, for work several times, and I wrestle every day with the fact that I don’t spend as much time as I would like with friends and family because I’m spending that time instead working, recovering, or learning.

Now these things aren’t actually as dramatic as they seem, when I do feel that stressed I do things to change it, and I do a lot a lot to avoid that happening. And I do spend time with friends and family, just not as often as I could. But importantly I know and I understand that these are the concequences of the choices I make and the path I’m trying to take. This is more than anything else what I think is useful about the mode of thinking I’m describing, it gives you the information you need to make informed and considered decisions on a big scale.  

Bah. Was there a point to writing that last section? Not really but I hope you found it interesting. 

Conclusion

This is a topic I think about a lot and have thought about for a long time. The first time I heard it articulated well was in an episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ in an episode called, ‘How Your Mother Met Me’. This is my favourite episode for a number of reasons but the fact that they talk about this mode of thinking is why I always come back to it. The 23 year old in New York hypothetical is a reference to the show. The ‘naked man’ asks ‘the mother’ what she wants to do with her life. She answers, ‘I want to end world poverty’, and he says ‘Great. Then every decision you make from here on out should be in service of that.’ 

Great stuff. Anyway, if you’ve read this far I hope it’s gotten you thinking about your life and your path, and I hope you’re already on the path you want to be on. But if you’re not, if there’s something you want to achieve or do and you realise there is a better path, I hope you get onto it. Time is the most precious thing we have, let’s not spend it on the wrong stuff.

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