A little introspection doesn't often hurt

Feel free not to read this one, it's just some thinking about why I've been away for a while

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Remember when I said I’d write an article each week in July? No? Good. I barely do and I wrote it. It comes down to something I’ve known about for a while but I was told for the first time this week:

‘Your go to action under pressure is “I can do it. I’ll do it myself”. Figuring out how you can still achieve what you want to achieve without instinctively saying “I’ll do it myself” is your big issue’

Four days after I wrote my last article I took a few days break, started the next, and then moved country. To say that messed up my routine would be an understatement. But when presented with the idea, the opportunity, and the option for support to move, instead of taking time off work and taking care I got everything right, I added it to my plate and took it in stride.

At work I’m good at saying no, for myself and for other people, but if I see something not being done well, or not being done at all, I try to cover it. Maybe something is running behind schedule or someone is not doing something as well as expected and the pressure is on. I jump in, try to attack the problem and sort it out.

I’m good at this, I’m good under pressure and I can juggle doing a decent number of things. But there in lies the issue. Just because I can doesn’t mean I should. It sets a precedent and before I know it it’s September, I don’t feel settled, I’ve got an overflowing plate, and I haven’t written anything good in months.

During the past four months I’ve written a lot. Some articley things and some fictiony stuff, but it’s all been bad. My head has just been full of other stuff. And when my head is full of other stuff, there’s no room for thinking about good writing.

Toward the end of September I took some personal time off work and went on holiday. I saw friends and family, I went to Greece with my girlfriend, I ate a lot of food, and I read a lot of books. That took care of the exhaustion. I came back refreshed and feeling recharged. But all the things on my mind, work related and otherwise, were still there, and my instinct to say ‘I’ll do it myself’ was still laying me out.

The reason I can see this now and talk about it as if it was in the past is because the biggest incumbent, the things I was juggling at work, has shrunk. Through no good decisions on my part I should add. I didn’t have some great epiphany or suddenly get better at stuff. No, I got lucky. People came back from sickness, other people stepped up in a good way, and we grew a new person. But having this headspace has allowed me to think, and hearing this feedback from someone I respect and admire really put things into perspective.

Having attained this headspace, have I immediately filled it with writing this article? Yes. Is that a good idea? I don’t know. But this is something I’m going to work on and I hope this ‘classical blog’ type article is a good step towards recognizing the issue and doing something about it. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it exactly, but I’ll think about it.

And hopefully write some more things here again soon.

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